


In Which Javert and Jean Valjean Get Roofied with Ecstacy Among Other Drugs in a Gay Club

by Peter_Yellowhammer



Category: Les Misérables - All Media Types
Genre: All Dialogue, Backfiring Party Drugs, Consensual But Not Safe Or Sane, Domination/submission, Grumpy Old Husbands Boning Like a Skeleton, In Case That Wasn't Clear Before, M/M, Modern AU, Profanity, Roofies, Smut, Very Aggressive Sex, Voyeurism, i was bored
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-08-08
Updated: 2013-08-08
Packaged: 2017-12-22 20:32:45
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,058
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/917729
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Peter_Yellowhammer/pseuds/Peter_Yellowhammer
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>I postponed writing a story about the journey of an autistic Javert and a lonely Jean Valjean as they sort out the bizarre timeline they have encountered together. This is for the best, and I plan to deliver its message of loving all forms of life and cognition to full effect. I postponed this also to write simpler stories to sharpen my understand of the theories of mind at work for all the characters I would develop in my hobby as a psychology-driven author.</p>
<p>And then I wrote this.</p>
<p>Integrity is for total bores.</p>
<p>I looked at the 'love potion' prompt and thought: "How can I make this modernized and insultingly dumb?" I believe I succeeded, but judge for yourself, please.<br/>I figure Crowe and Jackman are the best versions of the characters for this emotional bondage parade, but pick your favorites!</p>
            </blockquote>





	In Which Javert and Jean Valjean Get Roofied with Ecstacy Among Other Drugs in a Gay Club

 

"Hey, Aubert. Guess who's trying to bust us tonight?"

"Oh, fuck no."

"Yep! As far as I know, he's by himself for it. Maybe he's going for a promotion or something."

"...Old fogey's probably just obsessed. All the others gave up years ago."

"I only just found out about this, so we'll have to go to the other spot for the stash."

"Fuck my life...well, then again, that's just as well. I heard the mayor's going to come down tonight to talk to us about Jesus. Again."

"Well, that's just _fantastic!_ "

"Yeah, really. Both of those old fuckers could kill the buzz of an entire...hmm."

"Hmm...? Hmm! You thinking what I'm thinking, then?"

"Yep. I think a couple hits should do the trick."

"...Dude, they're old enough to be our dads. That might kill them or some shit."

"I am not taking the risk, Beau. Two hits, or you bet your tight ass we're going down."

"...Yes, Monsieur le Propriétaire."

* * *

 

_Dammit. Figures he would switch drinks with each shot. Club soda, water, ginger ale, water...for fuck's sake, get some vodka or something! You are the absolute worst, Javert. And sequined flannel, really? I'm surprised the bartender actually stopped laughing._

_Aubert's got the mayor distracted, good. No, I don't have him yet, you dork! Stop glaring at me! Stare at the DJ or something; I've listened to enough Yelle for the rest of the year._

_What's this guy's deal, then...? Lock-em-up and throw away the key? Maybe something kinky? Or maybe he just wants the drug himself...nah, he'd be drinking if that were the case. Right? Yeah, definitely._

_Alright...here goes nothing!_

"Hey there, Papa! What brought you here tonight?"

"I did not ask for your conversation."

_His neck would snap very easily if I twisted my arms quick enough. Heh...nice ass, though. If only he were that agreeable...oh man, maybe I should slip a popper in there as well. It's not like I can make him snort it, anyway._

"Oh, don't be like that! Tonight's boring, and I bet you're lonely. The second floor's for people that want to get drunk and beat off."

"Then perhaps you should leave me to it. I'm waiting for a buzz."

_He's looking right into my soul...fuck, he knows I'm the hook. Should I just take the bait? Maybe I could do a switch-around._

_Those are some bright baby blues...Papa, you can stare at me all day._

"...Then you're talking to the wrong person. I, for one, can't help you there."

That _got his attention!_

"Who could, then?"

_Alright, who would be a good scapegoat? Maybe...Oh. My. God. That dumbfuck is holding the freebies! Probably thinks they're chasers. THIS IS FUCKING PERFECT._

"You see that guy in the longcoat by the front? He's pretty knowledgeable."

"...You don't even recognize our mayor? Typical."

_HAAAAAAAAAAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAAAAAAAAAA!_

"...No, I'm pretty sure the mayor doesn't hand out pills to clubbers. I mean, I've never met the man, so maybe I'm wrong."

_Come on...stand up, get suspicious...good, good. Two hits, and break a popper for flavor, shake well and serve on ice! Thank God he switched to, uh, what is this stuff? Scotch? That's fucking gross, Papa._

"...I knew it! I knew it all along! That...that shameless liar, I trusted him! I TRUSTED HIM!"

_Great. He talks to himself. No wonder he was up here with the mopers._

"First bread, then a false alibi, now drugs; it's the same old slippery slope. I need some courage..."

_Holy shit, it's working, that was way too easy. He's actually doped. Hey, Beau! You're good to do the same! I gotta see this unfold, fuck, I'm shaking! Oh, I see it...there goes the mayor, right down the throat. Aubert, you're a master._

"EUGH. God, why did I pick Scotch? Never again..."

_I am so hard right now. That ass is mine!_

"M-Monsieur, you need to pay for that last--"

"I'll cover it, Issac."

_...Wait, he knew what all along? Is Madeleine into some shady shit after all? Wouldn't that be the day!_

"Jean Valjean, you are under arrest for possession of illegal contraband, violation of parole, Class C vandalism, and the theft of a baguette. Anything you say--"

"NOW WAIT JUST ONE MINUTE HERE!"

_Yeah, really, you just saw the guy holding a couple pills. That Scotch went right through him. What's with these two, anyway? And Jean Valjean, is that a nickname or something?_

"Hey, Beau, I'm heading out. I'll leave you to babysit these two."

"What?!"

"Yep. Unlike your slutty ass, I've got a real date tonight. Let me know if anyone breaks anything."

"But--"

"Don't bleed on the new carpet upstairs!"

_You stupid rectal blood clot, I'm a TOP. When will you realize that?!_

"...five years. Tell me, how can you justify lying to me for that long?!"

"You didn't give me a choice, you fucking creeper!"

_Oooh, the Christian starts swearing, this is getting good!_

"Here's what you obviously don't understand, _Monsieur le Voleur_. Any DECENT member of society would...would, um...any decent member, that is, um..."

_Here we go._

"This is a really good song. What is this?"

"...I don't know, but yeah. I like the bass line, powerful and walking. Wow, this is...this is awesome!"

"You come here often, right? Missionary work?"

"Yes, yes...I have to say, I never stopped to appreciate its chARMS...oh, goodness...I, ah...!"

_...Wait. Aubert didn't...that sneaky fox! It can't be Viagra, that stuff doesn't work this fast. But it's powerful; I can even tell from here he's hard as a rock. And Jav--that is the face of submission right there. Wow._

"...Jean Valjean, would you like to dance before processing your arrest?"

"...That's one word for it, yeah."

* * *

 

"This is Jacques Aubert, proprietor of Matreuil-sur-Soleil. I can't come to the phone right now. If you're calling for a reservation, _grow a brain_. Clubs don't do that, I am SICK of people asking that."

_Aubert, pick up your damn phone. And fix this message already, you are impressing nobody._

"Otherwise, leave your name and number, and I'll get--"

*Beep*

"Hey, it's me. I, uh...I just wanted to tell you that some stuff got broken since you left. Nothing too expensive, at least not yet. You see...I can't sugarcoat this. Those guys we drugged have been going at it like rabbits taped to monster trucks."

*CRASH*

"Eeyup, there goes another table. Everybody left because they're going at it so hard. It's pretty scary, actually, I don't want to get too close or I might get a black eye. They're doing just about...every position in the book, yeah, just that the Inspector's always the bottom. And our mayor, gurl, you put something evil in his drink. Ecstacy's supposed to make you happy and affectionate, but he's all--"

"TAKE IT. YOU FUCKING TEASE, TAKE MY COCK. NINETEEN YEARS! NINETEEN YEARS, YOU'RE GONNA TAKE IT ALL!"

"...Well, I'm sure you heard that. They're completely out of control, fucking against whatever they can find. And Javert, man--"

"I'M SORRY! I'M SO SORRY, PLEASE RAPE ME! MAKE ME PAY, MONSEIGNEUR!"

"I would pay blood money to have someone say that to me. This is just...hold on. HEY, INSPECTOR! HIKE UP YOUR ASS, YOU'LL GET MORE OF HIS DICK! YEAH, THERE YOU GO!"

"MMMMPH!"

"Those two are meant to be, seriously. And I only did a popper with the X, so that submission's from the heart. Anyway, we have five tables broken, some shot glasses, a couple prescription glasses, so we're going to get complaints--"

"WHAT?!"

"Oh, how nice of you to pick up, _finally_! We goofed big time, boss."

"WE?! I bet you pissed someone off with your big mouth again! What happened?!"

"Those two we doped are fucking like it's end of the world and stuff is breaking and it's scary and I can't even look away, it's like a goddamn train wreck. A sexy train wreck."

"GET THE BOUNCER, YOU SHITHEAD!"

"Oh, believe me, that was the first thing I did. He got within one meter of them, and - get a load of this! - Madeleine just picked up the Inspector, hilt deep and everything, yelled out 'MINE' like a fucking ape, and coldcocked the guy with his free hand. He's lying down upstairs, and I think he'll be out the rest of the night. By the way, did you switch us to the new dental plan yet?"

"...Jesus fucking Christ."

"I doubt he would help us with this. You should see this, though, Javert's clinging to him like an orphan with a new papa."

"A sexy orphan."

"Okay, that's just wrong. Anyway, I don't know what to do."

"I just gave him some ginseng with the X. Why did he go apeshit?"

"...Maybe it's an adverse reaction?"

*SHATTER*

"HEY, YOU'RE GONNA MAKE THE GUY BLEED! AND I MEAN, SERIOUS BLEEDING! BE CAREFUL, YOU--oh, what's the use?"

"Just...just keep them from going upstairs. If they break the sound equipment, I will murder them."

"I don't know if you--"

" _I know people_."

"...Shit, don't joke like that. So, uh--"

"Tell me what they're doing."

"...He dumped you, huh? Serves you right, you big control freak."

"Bastard found a tranny and blueballed me. Come on, I gotta bust one here."

"'Kay...well, the mayor's twisting the inspector's tits right now. They look pretty soft, I'm thinking the dude eats carbs. So he doesn't usually do this sort of thing."

"Mmhmm...keep going."

"They're not doing it now, but there was some spank-fucking, too. Madeleine is in love with that ass, he can't stop groping it."

"Mmph! Okay, what else?"

"...Let me get a little closer. Listen to this."

" _...for too damn long._ _When we get done here...you're my property. Your cunt belongs to me. You will live with me permanently. You will eat my seed for your meals. And you'll take my cock whenever, WHEREVER I want to give it to you. Is that understood?_ "

" _Yes, YES, monseigneur! Oh, fuck me, fuck me, fuck me! Please fuck me, Jean...Jean, I need you! I need you, I need your cock, I've always needed it! Make me pregnant with your seed!_ "

"...Yeah, that did it. Holy shit, Beau. Are you recording this?"

"Issac is."

"Good. But I never got the whole 'breeding' thing."

"Eh, to each his own."

"...We have insurance, so I can make a bogus claim. Hell, I can finally get tile for the second floor!"

"Sounds good...hey, Aubert?"

"Yeah?"

"Hook me up with some of that ginseng when this is over."

* * *

 

"Oh, you're _finally_ leaving, messieurs? He hasn't bled to death yet?"

"We have unfinished business. Isn't that right, mon petit?"

"Y-Yes, Papa..."

"Glad you calmed down; the sun's coming up. But you two...this is fucking bullshit! You wouldn't even let me get near you! Can't I get a piece of that later?"

"No. And don't speak that way to your mayor, young man."

"This is just unfair..."

*THUD*

_OH GOD PLEASE LET GO I'M TOO YOUNG TO DIE._

"Listen, you fake-tanned brat. When you've been teased by a guard with an ass crafted by angels for nineteen years in prison, next to convicts that look like wads of Satan's skin flakes, only to get out and find the man with said ass is your subordinate with a _celibacy vow_...THEN you can talk to me about unfair."

"...Yes, Monsieur le Maire."

_Sweet Mother, I thought he was going to throw me into the broken glass!_

"I will compensate you for the damages. You're lucky that I won't lock you up for drugging my Chief Inspector and myself."

"You're welcome."

"...What was that stuff, anyway?"

"Ah...E-Ecstacy, alkyl nitrate in my case, and I suspect--"

*Smack*

"I did not ask you."

"...He was going to say something along the lines of ginseng, Monsieur le Maire. You can buy it in a shopping mall or online."

"Thank you. If you do this again, I will shut this place down."

"U-Understood."

"Come along, mon petit."

_There they go...fuck, I need to sleep for two days straight. And my dick hurts from jacking it too much. Well, I guess I learned my lesson here:_

_When doping crazy old men that're into S &M, make sure to hide your expensive breakables._


End file.
